The winter has been a long one...and although the calendar says it is spring and it is actually April 3 the weather is still chilly and there is lots of snow on the ground. I've been busy with work but I try to see mom once or twice a week. Bonnie and Dad visited her together on Friday. Bonnie took mom and dad for a ride around Spooner. They sat in the back seat together and had an ice cream cone and looked at the houses. Mom seemed to enjoy the outing and I know dad was happy about it. I am so thankful that my sister has time to spend with them.
My last visits with mom have been positive. She sees me and says my name and we enjoy holding her baby doll, looking at photos and then we go to the dining room. Mom enjoys the sweets, especially ice cream. As soon as her food was served, she grabbed the little plastic cup of ice cream, took the lid off and started eating. I said maybe you should have some of your sandwich but she was totally focused on the icecream. It felt good to see her enjoy something so much. She hugs me and I say I love you and she almost always will say it back.
Mom definitely needs more help with things. She seems confused about most things. The CNA's are so good to hear. Patient and they have a sense of humor which mom still enjoys.
Mom has been in the nursing home for 15 months!! It has taken a long time for things to kind of settle down. It still shocks me to think of her there and I would love for things to be different but I am so grateful that she has a safe place to be where she can wander and interact with others. I know that her presence there is a blessing to others. Thank you God for providing all we need!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
A Good Day with Mom & Dad
Today, Dad picked me up at 9:30 and we went to Roy Carlson's visitation. It was sad to be there with out mom & see so many of her friends that are functioning on their own still. We just stayed for a bit and then headed to Spooner to visit mom. On the way, Dad mentioned that he thought it would be good not to tell mom that Roy had died. I agreed and I am very proud of Dad for understanding mom's illness and that for her hearing Roy died would just be upsetting and not worth the sadness or it might not mean anything to her but why take the chance.
A couple weeks ago, mom asked dad for the first time, "What kind of place is this and Where did I used to be?" He said he told her, "Your on vacation and this is a nice place with good food and a good bed." She was content with that answer & I am very proud of dad for responding like he did.
Today, mom was in the activity room exercising with others in a circle. When she saw me, she said, "Donna." Yep, that really made my day. I finished the exercises with her and then we went to sit with dad in the birdroom. We looked at books and photos and had coffee. Later, we had lunch & I said I was going to buy groceries but I would come back.
Dad was still encouraging mom to eat. She stayed with him for awhile but then she told him, "I'm going to look for that girl." He said she walked down the hall and then came back and went to the adjoining room where she likes to sit in the recliner. She calls it the living room. He could see her through the window that connects the rooms. She was looking at a magazine and had forgotten he was there visiting. We went and visited mom for a bit more & I told dad that I was glad to see that mom was looking at magazines and at least she seems calm and not worried.
When we left she was cuddling her baby doll. It's funny how as time has passed, I can look at a day like this with my mom and call it a good day. We enjoyed a meal together. We hugged and said, "I love you." I told her about a trip to Oklahoma that her and I went on & she said,"We should do that again." and I told her that we would.
I would love to have had mom's life turn out different, but I believe that God has a plan for all of us and my mom is a blessing to the people that interact with her now and some how this is all part of the plan. I thank God that mom is getting amazing care and dad is dealing with the changes of his wife with amazing love. God's in control...
A couple weeks ago, mom asked dad for the first time, "What kind of place is this and Where did I used to be?" He said he told her, "Your on vacation and this is a nice place with good food and a good bed." She was content with that answer & I am very proud of dad for responding like he did.
Today, mom was in the activity room exercising with others in a circle. When she saw me, she said, "Donna." Yep, that really made my day. I finished the exercises with her and then we went to sit with dad in the birdroom. We looked at books and photos and had coffee. Later, we had lunch & I said I was going to buy groceries but I would come back.
Dad was still encouraging mom to eat. She stayed with him for awhile but then she told him, "I'm going to look for that girl." He said she walked down the hall and then came back and went to the adjoining room where she likes to sit in the recliner. She calls it the living room. He could see her through the window that connects the rooms. She was looking at a magazine and had forgotten he was there visiting. We went and visited mom for a bit more & I told dad that I was glad to see that mom was looking at magazines and at least she seems calm and not worried.
When we left she was cuddling her baby doll. It's funny how as time has passed, I can look at a day like this with my mom and call it a good day. We enjoyed a meal together. We hugged and said, "I love you." I told her about a trip to Oklahoma that her and I went on & she said,"We should do that again." and I told her that we would.
I would love to have had mom's life turn out different, but I believe that God has a plan for all of us and my mom is a blessing to the people that interact with her now and some how this is all part of the plan. I thank God that mom is getting amazing care and dad is dealing with the changes of his wife with amazing love. God's in control...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
New Year of the Journey
Dad doesn't work at the dump on Saturdays in the winter so we have been going together to see mom on that day. It's a nice opportunity for us to be together. Mom looked great today! Her hair was clean and short and she had lipstick on and a little blush! Stripped shirt and her plaid shoes. She was playing kick ball in the circle when we arrived and said, "Bonnie!" That's my sister's name but I am always happy to have her recognize me to any degree.
We continued the game for a bit but then went to find dad in the birdroom. When I told that Donnie her sweetheart was there to see her she said, "I don't think so..." but as soon as she catches a glimpse of him she rushes to hug and kiss him.
We had a nice lunch together. It was our usual routine of looking at kids books and photo albums. Today, when she looked at the photos of my two sisters and her on a trip she said, "Well, look at those ladies." It was as if she didn't have a clue who it was??? I said, "Mom, that's you and me in the picture." No look of recognition just kind of agreed.
Mom isn't too interested in eating but dad is good at encouraging her and feeding her. He kept trying to get her to eat the potatoes and vegetables. Finally, I told her tell him you just want the pudding. It was funny because she turned and looked at him and said, "I want the pudding." It seems her tastes have changed because almost everything makes her make a funny face except sweet stuff. She smiled about that. She especially likes a apple/pear pie I bring her. Her eyes light up and she eats the whole piece feeding herself!
Days have been busy so I didn't write about Christmas. I was really dreading it but it went o.k. Not like past Christmas. I did not hear from my brothers but Kenny, Dad and I spent Christmas day with mom and it went o.k.
The question is so How's your mom doing??? She is doing fine. She doesn't remember much but she seems relaxed most of the time and the staff gives her excellent care. She enjoys holding her baby doll. Today after we looked at pictures and books I went to get her baby doll from her room. There were two dolls!!! I took one to the nurses station and said I think mom has enough to handle with one, but later when mom and I went to her room she said, "Where's the other one? There were two." Now how does she remember two dolls but not that her husband is waiting in the next room??
She doesn't remember where to go eat? or that we just played kick ball but she remembers she has two baby dolls on her bed. I told her the other mom came to pick up the other baby. I've also have started to tell her that I talked to her mom & she is just fine and going to visit her sister. Who knew that one day I would be telling my mom such fibs???
There are times my mind still can not grasp that this has happened to my mom and that she is living in a nursing home and will not come back home. That's the difficult thoughts but I am so thankful that she is in a safe, predictable place with wonderful care and I believe God has a purpose for all of us and maybe mom's purpose is to touch the lives of people in the nursing home because everyone knows who Sophie is.
We continued the game for a bit but then went to find dad in the birdroom. When I told that Donnie her sweetheart was there to see her she said, "I don't think so..." but as soon as she catches a glimpse of him she rushes to hug and kiss him.
We had a nice lunch together. It was our usual routine of looking at kids books and photo albums. Today, when she looked at the photos of my two sisters and her on a trip she said, "Well, look at those ladies." It was as if she didn't have a clue who it was??? I said, "Mom, that's you and me in the picture." No look of recognition just kind of agreed.
Mom isn't too interested in eating but dad is good at encouraging her and feeding her. He kept trying to get her to eat the potatoes and vegetables. Finally, I told her tell him you just want the pudding. It was funny because she turned and looked at him and said, "I want the pudding." It seems her tastes have changed because almost everything makes her make a funny face except sweet stuff. She smiled about that. She especially likes a apple/pear pie I bring her. Her eyes light up and she eats the whole piece feeding herself!
Days have been busy so I didn't write about Christmas. I was really dreading it but it went o.k. Not like past Christmas. I did not hear from my brothers but Kenny, Dad and I spent Christmas day with mom and it went o.k.
The question is so How's your mom doing??? She is doing fine. She doesn't remember much but she seems relaxed most of the time and the staff gives her excellent care. She enjoys holding her baby doll. Today after we looked at pictures and books I went to get her baby doll from her room. There were two dolls!!! I took one to the nurses station and said I think mom has enough to handle with one, but later when mom and I went to her room she said, "Where's the other one? There were two." Now how does she remember two dolls but not that her husband is waiting in the next room??
She doesn't remember where to go eat? or that we just played kick ball but she remembers she has two baby dolls on her bed. I told her the other mom came to pick up the other baby. I've also have started to tell her that I talked to her mom & she is just fine and going to visit her sister. Who knew that one day I would be telling my mom such fibs???
There are times my mind still can not grasp that this has happened to my mom and that she is living in a nursing home and will not come back home. That's the difficult thoughts but I am so thankful that she is in a safe, predictable place with wonderful care and I believe God has a purpose for all of us and maybe mom's purpose is to touch the lives of people in the nursing home because everyone knows who Sophie is.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving
Yesterday, Dad, Kenny and I went to see mom and have dinner with her. The N.H. is very thoughtful in setting up the activity room with tables for families. There were decorations and table clothes and turkey, dressing and pumpkin pie. Mom was sitting in the quiet room when we arrived. She considers that her home. Later in the visit when she looked in there she said, "Who in my house?" I'm glad that she thinks of it as home. She seemed clueless that it was Thanksgiving and was confused about Kenny. She was glad to see all of us tho. We looked at pictures and then I took her to wash her hair. It's short so a little volume shampoo and a blow dry and it looked great. She wasn't too interested in eating but dad managed to get her to eat quite a little. She would say she didn't want anymore but then open her mouth like a bird when he had the fork full. We stayed for awhile and sat while dad and mom held hands. She would dose off and then open her eyes and smile at "Pa". She was tired when we left and said, "O.k. go then." and headed to her favorite recliner.
Today, I went again during lunch. She seemed a little distracted today. She doesn't have her glasses and the nurse said she has been up at night. So I'm not sure what is going on. She asked me a few times about grandma & grandpa. I try to reassure her that everyone is o.k. and she said her kids were all grown up. But then she said, "But where is Donna?" "I'm Donna, Mom. I'm o.k. and so is everyone else. This is a good home for you. Everyone would miss you if you left. I'll keep coming to see you." That's kind of how our conversation went. I have a tiredness that feels like I have been crying. That too is probably just part of the process of dealing with this diesease. God is in control.
Today, I went again during lunch. She seemed a little distracted today. She doesn't have her glasses and the nurse said she has been up at night. So I'm not sure what is going on. She asked me a few times about grandma & grandpa. I try to reassure her that everyone is o.k. and she said her kids were all grown up. But then she said, "But where is Donna?" "I'm Donna, Mom. I'm o.k. and so is everyone else. This is a good home for you. Everyone would miss you if you left. I'll keep coming to see you." That's kind of how our conversation went. I have a tiredness that feels like I have been crying. That too is probably just part of the process of dealing with this diesease. God is in control.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
11 months...
What a roller coaster of emotions this past year has brought. The past week or so I seem to be on a more even keel. There's been a lot going on with work but overall, I seem to be handling it. I wanted to go see mom today but it is freezing rain. It will be over a week since I've seen her and I hate that but work was too busy this week to leave at the regular time. Hopefully, this next week I'll get over a couple times. The N.H. offers Thanksgiving dinner for family so it will be nice to spend that time with her. I miss the old days with everyone at home but I am very grateful for all that we have and that mom is safe and I know that she is in good hands. I pray that for healing in our family. Mom is definitely changing and I hope that everyone has the time to spend with her.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Days, Months, Seasons, Time Marches On
The fall has been very busy. I returned to my full time teaching position in August and since then things have been a blurr. Getting back into the classroom after having been gone over a year was easier than I thought it would be.
The difficult part is having time for everything else. I only see mom once maybe twice a week now and that is difficult. She has adjusted to the nursing home and seems fairly relaxed there. When I arrived the other day, she was in the quiet living room. The lights were dim and music was playing and she was holding up her baby doll talking to it.
Momemts like that are both sweet and hard to take. My mom finds great comfort in a baby doll. She thinks it is her baby. She coos to it and cuddles it and carries it around. She is concerned about it feedings and care. It has been a blessing to her.
When mom sees me she often says my name with excitement. Last time, she said my sister's name. When looking at pictures she still recognizes some people especially dad. She is still crazy about him. That's the hard part. It seems like they should be together and yet realistically mom isn't who she was. She needs more care than she would get at home with a caregiver. Mom is a people person and I think she benefits by interacting with the staff, residents and visitors. I pray for God to continue to bless mom and dad.
I often stay with mom during a meal. She says she isn't hungry but if given enough time she usually eats a good portion of her food. Sandwiches are the easiest but she picks up the small bowls of fruit or vegetables and usually eats most of them. I usually feed her the main course. It seems easier than trying to get her to eat it on her own.
Dad's doing o.k. He misses mom terrible and is really down after some of his visits. She really wants to go home with him and asks repeatedly. This is very hard on dad. Visits go better if someone goes with him. A couple of my brothers have yet to visit mom or dad. This saddens me greatly because I know that mom would want their support for both of them. I could use a little brotherly support too come to think of it but I also know that they have to figure this out for themselves. My sisters continue to come as often as they can and they call and write often.
Not sure what the future will hold but I am thankful for everyday and I am most thankful that mom is safe and in a caring environment.
The difficult part is having time for everything else. I only see mom once maybe twice a week now and that is difficult. She has adjusted to the nursing home and seems fairly relaxed there. When I arrived the other day, she was in the quiet living room. The lights were dim and music was playing and she was holding up her baby doll talking to it.
Momemts like that are both sweet and hard to take. My mom finds great comfort in a baby doll. She thinks it is her baby. She coos to it and cuddles it and carries it around. She is concerned about it feedings and care. It has been a blessing to her.
When mom sees me she often says my name with excitement. Last time, she said my sister's name. When looking at pictures she still recognizes some people especially dad. She is still crazy about him. That's the hard part. It seems like they should be together and yet realistically mom isn't who she was. She needs more care than she would get at home with a caregiver. Mom is a people person and I think she benefits by interacting with the staff, residents and visitors. I pray for God to continue to bless mom and dad.
I often stay with mom during a meal. She says she isn't hungry but if given enough time she usually eats a good portion of her food. Sandwiches are the easiest but she picks up the small bowls of fruit or vegetables and usually eats most of them. I usually feed her the main course. It seems easier than trying to get her to eat it on her own.
Dad's doing o.k. He misses mom terrible and is really down after some of his visits. She really wants to go home with him and asks repeatedly. This is very hard on dad. Visits go better if someone goes with him. A couple of my brothers have yet to visit mom or dad. This saddens me greatly because I know that mom would want their support for both of them. I could use a little brotherly support too come to think of it but I also know that they have to figure this out for themselves. My sisters continue to come as often as they can and they call and write often.
Not sure what the future will hold but I am thankful for everyday and I am most thankful that mom is safe and in a caring environment.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
visits with mom
I visited mom Wednesday and Friday this week. Wednesday, I was with Dad; and Mom was plenty confused about things. She was quite certain that Dad was not her husband. I always refer to Dad with his first and last name. Sometimes, she thinks that we are a couple and then I tell her about my husband and try to distract her. We enjoyed coffee and big cookies together. Dad is always worried she is not eating enough even tho she has gained weight. He told her, "No, you eat the last piece." She wanted him to have it and he finally said, "Well, O.K." Then she threw it in his hot coffee and grinned! I went to get a spoon so he could get it out.
Friday, I visited mom alone. As soon as I walked in she recognized me in the hall and said, "Donna!" She was glad to see me and I was glad to hear my name. We walked the halls, went outside and looked at flowers, looked at albums and had coffee. I told her that her home there was beautiful. And she said, "Do you think so?" I said, "Sure, you have so many friends here." Everyone says hi to her as we walk around and she gives many staff and residents hugs. She asked to go home but I told her I had to go back to work and she seemed o.k. with that. When I left she was waiting for lunch to be served.
I'm thankful for these times with my mom and I'm thankful that she is in a safe, friendly place.
Friday, I visited mom alone. As soon as I walked in she recognized me in the hall and said, "Donna!" She was glad to see me and I was glad to hear my name. We walked the halls, went outside and looked at flowers, looked at albums and had coffee. I told her that her home there was beautiful. And she said, "Do you think so?" I said, "Sure, you have so many friends here." Everyone says hi to her as we walk around and she gives many staff and residents hugs. She asked to go home but I told her I had to go back to work and she seemed o.k. with that. When I left she was waiting for lunch to be served.
I'm thankful for these times with my mom and I'm thankful that she is in a safe, friendly place.
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