Where are your shoes?

I went to see mom right after work. I arrived to find her sitting in the cozy living room with lots of other residents. They had been listening to someone read, To Kill A Mocking Bird.  This is mom's favorite spot to sit. That's why she was in this room. I don't think she actually listened to the story but who knows... She was looking very content without her shoes or socks on. Residents always are fully dressed with shoes and socks. Obviously she wanted to air out her tooties. It made me smile. I asked her to go for a walk but she wouldn't step on the tile floor beyond the carpet. I found one sock and both shoes so we were on our way before too long. Minus the one pink sock. 

We walked down the hall to the windows to see the pine trees. She was looking at them much but she did give me a hug. I said, "I love you mom." She said, "I like you." When she says that she sounds so sincere. It is very sweet. She ate her egg salad sandwich and ice cream. We looked at some books and I gave her lots of hugs she seems to enjoy cuddles lately. It was a good visit.

Remember When...

We are on vacation in Montana. We've had five days of hiking and biking up the beautiful Rocky Mountains! What a great way to enjoy the mountains. I am especially happy because my back has handled all the exercise! Today, we decided we needed to get a few things done so we got the oil changed. Ken got a haircut. We ate lunch out and did a little shopping. It was a relaxing day. 

Each day we drive by the amazing Hoopers Greenhouse. No chance of hauling a plant back to Wisconsin but we decided to stop to admire the beauty and were we amazed! 25 thousand square feet of plants in perfect condition! The place was spotless. No leaves or dirt or dead blooms!  

As I looked at the massive collection of geraniums, I couldn't help but think of mom. She loved red geraniums, Impatients and Begonias.  A very nice lady came up and started to talk to us and said it was quite a complement to have someone taking photos. I told her we were just passing through but had to stop and look. She preceded to show us a massive Begonia and tell us how to care for them. 

I started to cry! Right out of no where!? I miss my mom and I am sad that she no longer has the passion she once had for her flowers. She no longer works in the dirt or steals a slip to try to start her own plant.  Yes, she seems content, safe and o.k.  at the nursing home but I miss her and I'm sorry for the life she is missing out on.

That's Nice!

I had a good vist with mom. I took this picture and showed it to her. She said, "That's nice."  I think she really liked the picture! She ate two lemon bars, ice cream some fish, green beans and rice.  We walked down the hall and she enjoyed seeing her pine trees. She looked great and smelled good too! She was wearing Loves Baby Soft. Her CNA Chris takes special care of mom.

Sophie is feeling better!

Easter Sunday, Kenny, Dad and I went to have dinner with Mom. The nursing home does it up right in the activity room with flowers, table clothes, colored eggs and a full meal. Unfortunately, mom was under the weather. She had a runny nose and just wanted to sleep. Dad is always concerned bout her eating and really pushed more food then she wanted. She eats because he is feeding her. 

We stayed a few hours with dad and mom both napping.  On Monday, I got to the nursing home by 8:15. Mom was still sleeping. I stayed awhile but it was obvious she was sick and needed to rest.  I called to check on mom the last three days and then went for a care conference today. Dad and Bonnie were there too. It turned out to be a good day. Mom was up feeling better. She ate soup and yogurt, walked the halls and was a little spunky. It was good to see her feeling better.

Dad's 85th Birthday!

Christmas Eve with Mom and Dad

Four Years Ago Today

It is hard to believe that mom has been in the nursing home for four years! 

Today dad and I went to visit and mom was smiling and holding her doll and leaning to dad for kisses! She ate enjoyed her food and reached for cookies and her Ensure. When the C.N.A. came  to take her to the bathroom she agreed pretty easily and when she got in the bathroom she said, "Well come on Donna." It was nice to hear her say my name.  

Taking mom to the nursing home was a very difficult day and the last four years has had it's challenges but today was a good day and that is a blessing! 

On a much sadder note yesterday Diane came to meet me at the end of work. She is a best friend from school days and her mom and my mom were good friends also. Her mom is in the last stages of lung cancer. I visited with them for a few hours...what a difficult time. I pray that God will be with them through this very awful time and bring Karen and her family

peace and rest.

Mom loves muffins!

Mom still likes books!

She doesn't look happy in this photo, but she was enjoying the book.

Mom Enjoying a Treat

Ensure

On Sunday, Ken and I visited mom. She was a little tired out and didn't eat the best. Last night, Ken brought home Ensure so dad and I could take it to mom today. Her eyes lit up when I took out that bottle from my "Sophie Bag." She drank it down in a hurry. Yes, the nursing home does give residents Ensure but I haven't seen mom with one and it always feels good to be able to bring her something. She also ate a good lunch, went for a walk and enjoyed her dolls. When we arrived she was looking at one of her board books. It was a good day!

Mom looking beautiful!

You Old Bag

I have been visiting mom once or twice a week.  I talk to dad every morning and night and see him about once a week.  Sunday, I usually visit him in the morning and mom in the afternoon.  Mom is definitely losing her language and any memories but she still will read primary board books and signs.  She enjoys sweets and still feeds herself but doesn't mind being helped out.  She asks about grandma or ma and I say that I just talked to her on the phone and she is doing fine.  She seems relieved to hear that news.
This week, when I visited, I brought treats as usual.  She really likes my homemade cranberry muffins.  She gives it a quizzical look takes a bite and her eyes light up and you can tell she is enjoying it. She really loves ice cream.  A week ago, Ken stopped into to see her and was trying to get her to go for a walk.  As she passed the snack tray, she reached out for an ice cream cup.  She didn't want to let go of his hand but she didn't want to miss the ice cream.  When he stopped, she quickly took off the top of the ice cream.  He said the walk was postponed until the ice cream was gone.
I went to see her on Wednesday and she saw me coming through the window of the door! She waved her arm calling me.  We talked a bit and then I got her up to go for a walk.  We were cruising down the hall and I said, "Mom, I love you." She responded by stopping and hugging me and saying, "I love you too.  You Old Bag."   Now that made me chuckle!! She said it like she was talking to one of her best friends.  When I told dad he said, "That sounds like her."  Mom liked to call us kids "You Bratty" and call her friends "Old Bag" in a humorous, joking way.  It was a priceless visit.

Is that my fires??

More changes...Each day I am happy for the blessings in my life.  Mom seems to have settled once again into the the routine at the nursing home.  She seems to recognize me but not with as much excitement.  She still feeds herself part of the time and staff and residents really care about her.  God has a plan and mom's plan included touching lives at the nursing home.

When I arrived yesterday for our visit, she was actually taking a nap on her bed!! This is very unusal for mom.  She woke up slowly.  Sat up on the edge of the bed and looked at her shoes on the floor, "Is that my fires?"  "Fires...hmmmm.  Yep those are your fires."  We started to look at old photos in the the little albums.  I pointed to her brother and said,  "Steve Mihna."  Her response, "Pete Mihna?"   No, Petes in our family.  Not even a friend named Pete.  She continued to make statements that made no sense through out the visit.  We still enjoyed dinner.  She grabbed the ice cream as soon as the dinner arrived.  She ate that first and then the salad.  No interest in the stew but ate the applesauce. 

Where has the time gone??? 4 months!

The months and days have been going quickly. It has been a busy school year for me teaching kindergarten and first grade. A new situation that took some time to get used to but I am enjoying. I try to visit mom a couple times a week and dad once a week. I talk to dad at least twice a day. He's keeping up with senior meals, working at his recycling job and driving to see mom at least twice week. It is 50 miles for him and I am very grateful that he is still able to make the trip.

Mom does not seem to understand much verbally but I have no doubt that she recognizes dad and me. When my sister left on Saturday, she said to mom, "How about a hug?" and mom replied, "You want a frog?" She often responses with something totally unrelated that rhymes.

She hadn't said my name for a long time and then in the last month she started to say it again. Sometimes when I arrive for a visit she is sitting in a recliner and she will say, "Donna! How did you get here?" It makes me smile because she says it with such expression. Last night, she said, "Is that you?" I said, "Yep, Is that you?" I give her a hug and we look at photos and read little board books. She still reads and she really likes the farm animal book. It is very simplistic and small. She will look at the kittens and say, "Now, I like that."

We ate in the dinning room with the rest of the residents. She ate a sandwich, cookie and carrots. She drank hot cocoa, juice and milk!! That was a successful meal. It seemed like several times she was trying to tell me something but couldn't get the words out. She looked out the window and counted the trees and said the cows are over there. I said, "Yes, they are and I already fed them so don't worry about taking care of them." When I think of mom's situation. I can not believe how easily I respond to her concerns. I never would have imagined mom's life like this. I told her that on Thursday it will be March 1st. Do you remember that date? It's my birthday and I was wondering if it would trigger any response...nothing...not even when I mentioned her birthday May 6th. Gone not in there anymore...sad...

January was a very stressful month because the nursing home social worker told us that the staff felt that mom was not safe in their facility anymore. She had been wandering and made it into the attached hospital basement and they were afraid that if she did it in the night they wouldn't find her. We had a meeting and the director of nursing told us a string of incidents when mom had set off alarms.

They gave a 30 notice at the meeting. My response to them was that I understood their concerns but I was not willing to move mom to a different place. I said that I didn't want to give up Dr. VanEtten and all the rest of the staff that cares about mom for a new staff that we don't know. Another meeting was set for the next week and I had the ombudsman from the state come. The 30 day notice was not brought up...the entire meeting was about ways that the staff was making the nursing home safer for residents with dementia!! My prayers were answered!! I never did receive the official 30 day notice.

I believe that God has a plan for all of us and mom is a blessing to the staff and residents of the Spooner nursing home. It is not the life we wanted but God is in control and His will shall be done not ours...

Mom's Having Fun!

My sister from Missouri came to Wisconsin to help out my Dad for a couple weeks. What a pleasure to have her here!! Yesterday, we went together to see Mom. When we arrived at the nursing home she wasn't in her usual spots. She has a recliner that she likes to sit in that is in the quiet living room by the nurses desk. She wasn't there. She wasn't in the bird room or the activity room. I didn't see her in the halls so we decided to actually look in her room.
When we came to the door, she was leaning over her bed talking to her two baby dolls!! It was such a sweet sight. She heard us and turned around but then sat next to her dolls and cuddled them.
We went in and I sat on the floor by her and my sister in a chair. We told her the babies looked cute and she seemed very content. Then we took out these toy wands that came from the dollar store. I've carried one in my bag for quite awhile and mom gets a kick out of it because it makes a magical music sound. The new ones my sister brought made noises and the one would keep going as quickly as you could push the button. Mom's face would light up and she would keep pushing it. Dolls and toy wands made my mom smile and we all laughed and enjoyed the moment. There were three wands and we walked around casting spells listening to the music. Crazy...maybe... but Mom was having fun and showed expression and that made my sister and I very happy. Another highlight, mom ate all of her food. She heaped a spoonful of mixed vegetables on her Jello and ate it up! Then she ate a chicken salad sandwich, the rest of the veggies and the rest of the salad. Yes, it was a good day with mom.

My Dad Is One Tough Guy

This blog is suppose to document my mom's illness but as a family we are tightly woven and I want to tell my dad's story also. Dad has lived on the same farm his entire life...82 years old. Without mom by his side he now lives alone. His mind is sound and he has many friends and he loves to be on the farm. We sold the cows two years ago before mom went in to the nursing home but up until then at age 80 and mom at 74 they had cows, chickens, dogs, cats and Guinea hens. Every summer there was a huge garden with enough corn to feed the community.
Nuh
Obviously things have slowed down. The cows are gone and the pasture is grown up but today when I kept calling my dad on the phone wondering where he was...finally this afternoon he calls to report in..."I put on the mower and I have been in the back by the pond. Mowing the trails. It's beautiful back there. You should see the color of the maples, aspen and oaks." This short conversation brought a smile to my face. Dad at age 82 is still able to get out and ride the tractor.

O.k. there is more to his story. Dad has been the town Dump/Recycling Attendant for more years then we can count. What does this involve?? Each Saturday and Sunday, he sits by the town garage and directs community members as they bring in their refuse. This job involves helping people with their bags but the important part is the conversation and social outlet it has become for several. People come to the dump to see dad and bring him beer, pie, soup, sandwiches and a variety of goodies. He brings home lots of treasures to say the least. He is a town icon...people look for Donnie as they pass the town garage and see his truck...they are glad to see he is still there meeting and greeting people.

Well, on Sept 3 that is just what my dad was doing. Meeting & greeting neighbors...then a guy rides up on a bicycle...he says he is thirsty and dad tells him to get a water from the truck...people come and go...and dad offers the guy a coke...he goes to the cooler and sees the beer and asks,"Can I have this beer instead?" Of course dad agrees and then he asks to sit next to dad...the neighbors have all left and it is just dad with this guy...Then the guy says he has to go to the bathroom...Dad tells him to go behind the dumpster. Dad said it seemed to take awhile for him to come back but then he sees something from the opposite side of his head and then dad realizes that the guy is beating him in the head with a rock...Dad falls to the ground and is bleeding and the guy kicks him several times in the head. Dad yells, "What the hell is wrong with you??" He takes dad's knife and keys and gets in the truck and drives right by dad lying in the driveway.

With in minutes someone comes by and sees dad. The ambulance is called and he is rushed to St. Mary's hospital in Duluth. On this same morning, I have a very nice visit with my mom at the nursing home and I think of dad at his job visiting his friends and I am comforted to know that he is where he should be enjoying the day. I leave mom and meet a friend for lunch and then the phone call from my husband. "Donna, You've got to come home. Your dad has been in an altercation and they are taking him to the hospital. We've got to go now.??????????????????What?

This was the beginning of some very challenging days. Dad was bruised badly and his head was swollen like a pumpkin. The guy and the truck have not been found. There are many details to this story but the main thing is three weeks later...

Dad is out riding his tractor mowing the trails enjoying the fall colors. Yes, My Dad Is One Tough Guy. May God continue to bless him with good health and good friends.

August Days

The past week has been a busy one. Ken and I were going to go camping last Tuesday. As usual, I started the day with a phone call to Dad. I always ask him how he is doing and he said, "Alot better than last night."

After a little further discussion, he told me that he had taken two Nitro tablets the night before because of chest pains. He said they really made him feel better. Dad had a heart attack two years ago and had two stints put in. Since then he has not had any chest pains until the last two weeks. He has taken Nitro on two different occasions. When I hung up the phone and discussed the situation with my husband, we decided to take Dad right to the E.R. I called him back and told him the plan.

He didn't seem to think it was necessary but I said we were going so get ready. We checked in to the E.R. at 10 A.M. By 3:00 P.M. Dad was in a recovery room. They had said that his blood test showed that he had had a heart attack in the last 24 hours and needed another stint put in. It was amazing how quick the whole procedure happened. By the way, he told the E.R. staff that he had been having mild chest pains for about six weeks!!!

He was able to come home on Wednesday and then I stayed with him a couple nights and my sister stayed one night. By Saturday, he was anxious to go see mom. I said I would would drive him. It is close to 50 miles away. He walked into the nursing home ahead of me and he said mom saw him coming down the hall and was waving to him immediately. She was so glad to see him. When I came she was excited and said, "Well, Donna!!" It was joy to my ears to hear my name. She hasn't said it for about a month so I was wondering if I had heard it for the last time. It's kind of silly to be so happy about hearing my name because I don't really think she understands who I am but she is glad to see me. We had lunch together and looked at pictures and read a couple board books and sat outside in the pavillion. It was a good day.

Days Go By

Summer is flying by and the heat and humidity is overwhelming!! I wouldn't mind a cool day and wearing a sweatshirt!! I have continued to drive dad on Monday and Fridays to visit mom. Last Friday, John and Julie were with us. That is Mom's niece that has been a regular visitor throughout mom's life. We had a nice visit.

I know that it is hard for people to see mom in the nursing home. She didn't know who Julie was so we told her more than once. We said, "She is Julie Mihna. Your brother Steve Mihna's daughter." It didn't seem like it meant anything to her. Julie told me that she has a hard time visiting mom but she felt like this last visit was a good one. Mom really studied the photo albums and she ate plenty throught our visit.


What goes on in mom's mind?? What does she remember and know??? At this point, it does not matter. We look at picture albums. Read books and take walks. On Friday, she had no problem walking down the hall to see the three big trees and the blue house out the window. She is always amazed by the tallest tree.

On the way back, I reminded her, Donnie Slipher is here. He is your sweetheart." She seemed surprised and when I said, "Yep, He is right around the corner." She quickened her pace and recognized him immediately. She smiled and moved the chair close and gave him a kiss. How sweet is that?? I hate to see mom not remembering but it gives me such joy to see her walk quickly to him and give him a squeeze.

The week before when we walked in Tamra was just asking mom to go to the bathroom. She saw us and was distracted but then she asked dad to hold her baby doll, Katie and then she went with Tamra to the bathroom. Dad sat there holding the doll waiting for mom. Can you imagine? A man 82 years old with a doll tucked in his arm waiting for his wife of 45 of years. To me it is just amazing how he has adjusted to this huge challenge in his life.

My dad married mom when he was 35 and she was 30. They had six children at the start of their marriage. Needless to say they faced many challenges through the years...but in the end they stayed together and he is holding her baby doll, waiting for her to come from the bathroom where she is being helped by one of the angels at the nursing home.

Everyone that has visited mom at the nursing home agrees that it is an amazing place and that she is receiving the best of care. There are still family members and friends that disagree. It is difficult not to have their support but I know that mom is in a good place and the staff knows her personality and they love her and want the best for her.

God is in control and mom is safe. What more can I ask for??

Visiting Mom with Dad

Since school is out, I've been driving dad over to visit mom. It is the usual routine of coffee and snack and then lunch. Looking at pictures and a little walk. She has been saying my name when she first sees me, but I have to say she seems more confused about pictures and most everything. She asked where am I? one day & I said Spooner, Wisconsin and that was all she needed to hear. Dad is doing o.k. Still active but his feet and hands hurt. It is painful to watch him walk some days. I'm not sure how long he will be able to maintain his independent life style...We will continue to take it a day at a time and know that God is in control.