It has been a difficult couple of weeks. I felt like I was handling things o.k. and then it was time to say good bye to the cows. I was very disappointed when our first plan did not work out. The local ranch offered a very low price that rattled our cages. I called a couple of other farmers and arranged for a truck to come pick them up and take them to auction.
I am glad that Bonnie had decided to come up. It was sad to see them go and her support and Ken's was definitely needed in the situation. Not knowing the price the cows would bring only added to the distress. As it turned out the auction brought a couple thousand more so it was a good decision. Now, it's just a matter of getting use to the empty barnyard. At times mom remembers that they are gone & says she knows Pa could no longer take care of them. Other times, she thinks they are just over the hill. Who would ever have thought cows could be such a part of the fabric of a family. It feels like a hole has been ripped.
Yesterday, mom & I went to church as usual. It is difficult because mom is always asking questions about who I am, how long am I staying & where did I come from. After church, we stopped by the dump to say hi to dad. Mom gives him a quick hug & hurries over to look in the recycling bin. She pulls out a little tin can and smiles like she just got a present. She then moves over to the other door and pulls out another can. I'm thinking just what we need more stuff in that house but she is telling me she is going to put some flowers in those cans and they will be so cute. Later in the day when dad comes home he tell her he brought her a couple of boxes of dishes. Maybe, you will find something you want. She actually forgets about it & he reminds her. I tell her you better go look at those boxes. She puts on her big blue hat and jacket and I'm watching her from the kitchen window. She is beaming like a kid at Christmas as she looks in the big box. She hauls it in and ooohs and aaahs over her new treasurers. I go along with the excitement and figure in a few days I will be hauling it to the thrift store but for now mom is happy & dad enjoys her excitement.
How long will this last? When will another change need to happen? Is mom safe? Will she start a fire in the woodstove? Will she begin to wander? Does she really sleep at night? I have been repeating, "The Lord is my shepherd." in my racing mind.